Happy New Year and other thoughts.....

Its officially TwentyTen.

I'm less excited about the new year and more excited about 2009 being over. 2009 just did not work in my favor. A relationship ended on a severely ugly note. I had mono, tonsillitis, and an abscess on my throat all within the same week... ruining my spring break. I didn't get to go to South Africa cuz of my bullshiest department. This guy... that was the physical essence of the ""man-of-my-dreams" made himself known and then disappeared into the sunset effectively showing me that he was absolutely NOT interested in me not only as a love interest, not only as a friend, but as a human being. I felt so disrespected. (still do). My summer... my last summer as a student was a bust. the fun quotient heightened itself at a 12 out of 100. in ending months... finding out about the relationships some of my very close friends were in became less informative and resulted in me having to take action (this blog is to public to put the details here).

HOWEVER....

some, i repeat some, good things happened this year too....

I had the opportunity to go on an all expense paid trip to Tobago for my j-o-b. Toooo fricking awesome. A LOT of work, but worth it. It also has sealed my plan to travel outside the country at least once every year. (bring on Amsterdam 2010!)

I went out on dates. Yea, it didn't happen until December (but he doesnt know, well now he will, that those were the first real dates I've been on in... FOREVER... thank you)

THE BEACH..... the beach made my life. the minute it gets warm, I'm right back there. sun, ocean, sand.... they give me life... they breathe living directly into my soul...

i got skinny.

and got fat again.

also... i think i am gaining a better perspective on what it means to be a friend... what friendship really is and what i want from my friends... i think thats fair....and important

2009 taught me that I am growing.... i always assumed i was a work in progress...but this year showed me a little bit of my progress... a little bit of my self worth

i think i've been devaluing myself as an individual... hopefully in 2010 I will be able to realize my full potential

OH.... in 2009, I read so much. It was wonderful....

What do I want from the world around me in 2010? (i'll get to me in a second)

I want honesty. Full and complete honesty.

I want unapologetic love. There's no reason to hide or be ashamed of love. and I don't mean this in a strictly romantic love type of way.... you know the english language is full of limits and boundaries and restrictions when it comes to love.... but there are all kinds of meanings and definitions... and YOU know when its LOVE. just admit it. CLAIM IT. relish in it. get lost all through it.

I want peace. I don't like to argue. I don't like to be confrontational. Despite what you hear, I like things to be relatively calm. Inside and outside. I want everyday's math end in someone's PEACE!

I want clarity. (don't we all?)... but selfishly I want others to have clarity to provide some insight for me.... that's all...

FOR MYSELF?

a job. a love. a home. a hug. a kiss. a joy. a dream. a hope. a vacation. a savings. a smile.

that's it. I'm keeping it simple this year. too much clouding myself up with nonsense and ignoring the basics have proven troublesome for me in the past. u know how it goes...insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

2009 Shoutout List

my mom - i love her. *muah**

gracieJ - the strongest support i've ever had.

anoa - you are the awesomest. i'm in complete awe of you with every decision you make. I cant wait to be interviewed by your biographer and speak on the wonderfulness that is you. or we can write it together like kwame ture and ekweume thelwell

johnG - you're hilarious. my own private delaware favorite.

femi - you are an amazing woman. i hope that my children will be able to spend time with you and your beautiful spirit. i mean that from the bottom of my heart.

malia & candice - foolios 1&2... thanks for being the friends I needed in the place that i hate. *cheers*

the original ap - i dont know if i can handle you being in seattle after graduation.... but as long as there is a GRILL (and BAR-S HOT LINKS) there is a way!!!

jspulley - for introducing me to my future husband KJ

courtney - thank you sister. thank you.

caura - for being my miltown connection and always ready for a conversation when i need to have one.... can't wait to be auntie (wink wink)

tristan - for being a happy ending (no pun intended) for 2009. thank you.

all my twitter fam.... those that actually make twitter worthwhile from Milwaukee to my fellow BISON to the rest of my east coast fam.... twitter is a lovely outlet to be a part of...