Happy New Year and other thoughts.....

Its officially TwentyTen.

I'm less excited about the new year and more excited about 2009 being over. 2009 just did not work in my favor. A relationship ended on a severely ugly note. I had mono, tonsillitis, and an abscess on my throat all within the same week... ruining my spring break. I didn't get to go to South Africa cuz of my bullshiest department. This guy... that was the physical essence of the ""man-of-my-dreams" made himself known and then disappeared into the sunset effectively showing me that he was absolutely NOT interested in me not only as a love interest, not only as a friend, but as a human being. I felt so disrespected. (still do). My summer... my last summer as a student was a bust. the fun quotient heightened itself at a 12 out of 100. in ending months... finding out about the relationships some of my very close friends were in became less informative and resulted in me having to take action (this blog is to public to put the details here).

HOWEVER....

some, i repeat some, good things happened this year too....

I had the opportunity to go on an all expense paid trip to Tobago for my j-o-b. Toooo fricking awesome. A LOT of work, but worth it. It also has sealed my plan to travel outside the country at least once every year. (bring on Amsterdam 2010!)

I went out on dates. Yea, it didn't happen until December (but he doesnt know, well now he will, that those were the first real dates I've been on in... FOREVER... thank you)

THE BEACH..... the beach made my life. the minute it gets warm, I'm right back there. sun, ocean, sand.... they give me life... they breathe living directly into my soul...

i got skinny.

and got fat again.

also... i think i am gaining a better perspective on what it means to be a friend... what friendship really is and what i want from my friends... i think thats fair....and important

2009 taught me that I am growing.... i always assumed i was a work in progress...but this year showed me a little bit of my progress... a little bit of my self worth

i think i've been devaluing myself as an individual... hopefully in 2010 I will be able to realize my full potential

OH.... in 2009, I read so much. It was wonderful....

What do I want from the world around me in 2010? (i'll get to me in a second)

I want honesty. Full and complete honesty.

I want unapologetic love. There's no reason to hide or be ashamed of love. and I don't mean this in a strictly romantic love type of way.... you know the english language is full of limits and boundaries and restrictions when it comes to love.... but there are all kinds of meanings and definitions... and YOU know when its LOVE. just admit it. CLAIM IT. relish in it. get lost all through it.

I want peace. I don't like to argue. I don't like to be confrontational. Despite what you hear, I like things to be relatively calm. Inside and outside. I want everyday's math end in someone's PEACE!

I want clarity. (don't we all?)... but selfishly I want others to have clarity to provide some insight for me.... that's all...

FOR MYSELF?

a job. a love. a home. a hug. a kiss. a joy. a dream. a hope. a vacation. a savings. a smile.

that's it. I'm keeping it simple this year. too much clouding myself up with nonsense and ignoring the basics have proven troublesome for me in the past. u know how it goes...insanity is doing the same thing over and over and expecting different results.

2009 Shoutout List

my mom - i love her. *muah**

gracieJ - the strongest support i've ever had.

anoa - you are the awesomest. i'm in complete awe of you with every decision you make. I cant wait to be interviewed by your biographer and speak on the wonderfulness that is you. or we can write it together like kwame ture and ekweume thelwell

johnG - you're hilarious. my own private delaware favorite.

femi - you are an amazing woman. i hope that my children will be able to spend time with you and your beautiful spirit. i mean that from the bottom of my heart.

malia & candice - foolios 1&2... thanks for being the friends I needed in the place that i hate. *cheers*

the original ap - i dont know if i can handle you being in seattle after graduation.... but as long as there is a GRILL (and BAR-S HOT LINKS) there is a way!!!

jspulley - for introducing me to my future husband KJ

courtney - thank you sister. thank you.

caura - for being my miltown connection and always ready for a conversation when i need to have one.... can't wait to be auntie (wink wink)

tristan - for being a happy ending (no pun intended) for 2009. thank you.

all my twitter fam.... those that actually make twitter worthwhile from Milwaukee to my fellow BISON to the rest of my east coast fam.... twitter is a lovely outlet to be a part of...

thanks and other ponderings

My ultimate gratitude is extended to all those who have already submitted entries for my "Reflections on the 2008 Presidential Election". The project seems to be coming together nicely and I am looking forward to reading upcoming entires and hopefully everyone will be eager to read them as well.

I hate my graduate degree program. I wish I had chosen to do something else. I wish I was into the program and could love it and indulge myself intellectually into what it has to offer...

but I can't.

What do I do next?

I want another master's degree. Where do I go? What do I study? What do I want to do with my life????

I know I want to teach.

I want to be a professor.

(I want to work at Howard in my own little office full of books and hold office hours, do research, write books, talk to students, wear Howard 'nalia)

I'm looking at Africana Studies, African American Studies, African American Literature, Education Policy, Curriculum and Instruction, MEd and EdD programs....I just do not know.

I know I need to write.
I have a responsibility to teach.

Graduate School

ahhh....

my friends, it has been a very long time since I have graced you with my thoughtful lyrics

my deepest apologies...

Since January, life has happened to me, quite literally. I have graduated from Howard University (without completing my undergraduate thesis, sorry to say). I have spent two weeks traveling and studying in Egypt with DOC, KTS, and miscellaneous HU family. I am now a student in the department of public administration at the University of Delaware.

My mind is literally in whirlwind right now.

I am being pulled (socially, academically, and politically) in all different directions and each has a reason to do so.

First KMT:
I could not have prayed for a better way to spend $5,000 of my own money. (seriously) Taking the pilgrimage to Egypt was exactly what I needed to regenerate myself for scholarship, my passion and career choice! I am sure many of my sisters and brothers who went can attest to the fact that is very hard, almost impossible to put the emotions, thoughts, and expressions of the trip into verbal language. Perhaps it is the limitations of English, my love for the birth of Africa (ultimately of myself), or my deepest respect for languages verbal and nonverbal that I do not know how to deliver yet (hopefully in heaven)...but I have been having such difficultly trying to talk about the experience. So all I can promise is throughout the rest of my life journey I will reference and hopefully with a much better clarity then I have now, be able to share!

UD - MPA 2010
Earlier, on the phone with my mother, she told me to quote her (if I had the chance to) regarding my confusion about even being where I am at this very moment (Morris Library, University of Delaware), she gave me the classic (yet always profoundly correct)....it is in God's hands speech. I know that is true, and I know others can relate in having the need to be shown God's detailed plan for your life in explicit detail via powerpoint asap. This program was free, and hopefully I can take full advantage of being here and having this time away (from what? I'm not sure but I feel like I am AWAY....) I am excited more about my assistantship than my actual course work but I am sure my new found love for scholarship will make me excited about both.

HOTEP.

Santa is hip hop.

Last night, I went to a hip hop show in Milwaukee. A first time for me, I am proud that Milwaukee has its own little underground hip hop scene, too bad I don't know a darn thing about it. It was cool though, I met up with some folks I ain't seen in a minute, heard some people really put it down. I won a bottle of Grey Goose. I mean it can't get any better than that. On top of that I discovered my new favorite website. Freshopoly.com... check it out I discovered such wonderful stuff such as...

I love it.... I mean Kanye & Pharrell & Lupe.... the Trifecta of pop hip hop. yes.
So yeah 2007.... unarguably the worst year ever should be ending on a pretty positive note... wait till I see these grades and then we can really talk.Before I leave Milwaukee I need to finish my personal statement and some other essays. Most likely, I'll grace this page with my lyrical beauty once those grad school essays come into fruition. Till then.... listen to USPlacers..that shit is hot (Imma stop cussin in 2008 fa sho.)
By the way....its been a minute so let me grace u wit a pic! in the name of fashion!!!!

Reflections of a Life MISSED

Today is Tuesday March 27.

I am missing not only the culture of New Orleans, but I am missing my experience... TREMENDOUSLY.

Right now, as I PRETEND to do homework in the Law School Library I am rubbing my asbestos infected eye and remember how one young looking African boy can have a gravitational pull of 1 female per 30 feet.

Though I am happy to have the luxury of washing my hair, scrubbing my toes, and eating out of a clean kitchen, the St. Mary's experience is one of a kind and unparalleled by any of my other Howard University experiences. (Which are limited because if you ask around you will know that I haven't really done too much HOWARD stuff)

I am soooooo proud to be a FOUNDING member of Alpha Sigma Beta. This is real. Thanks to Tyler we have a crest and everything. Tshirts on the yard? Oh of course!

I know this is real because we have real things that we want to accomplish in New Orleans, we believe that we can at least put an impact on the area and on the future members of Alpha Sigma Beta (hahahaha)

The BEST thing about this entire situation is that I can see all of the people who were with me, no one is out of my reach, any one of us can be found on the yard, in the punch out, on georgia ave and we don't have to worry about missing each other or not being able to hang out with each other anymore.

I tell ya, GOD WORKS IN MYSTERIOUS WAYS.

(secretly, I really miss Donald, I found myself having a strange attraction to him, maybe it was because he neosporined my dry skin like no one else or because he asked me how i was doing later in the day... i dont know what it was but man.....)

I really want some Waffle House hashbrowns.

A deep sea double from Rally's can cure ANYONE's hunger.

I LOVE ALL OF YOU GUYS FROM THE BOTTOM OF MY RATCH HEART!!!

"A woman's heart should be so close to God's that a man has to seek Him to find her."

i stole this quote off of a friends facebook page.

I agree... this coming from a confessed believer and not-so-devout (honesty) follower of Christianity...it is something i am seeking in myself for another...if that makes sense to any one


What do other people think about this?