When I think of home...

I love my family.

Over the last few years, as I have come to grips with the notion that I am in fact a woman. A woman responsible for bearing the responsibility of fostering and nurturing human life. A woman responsible for creating a home. A woman responsible for the growth and development of (many) children.

I can not shirk it.

Sooner or later, my rockstar lifestyle inclusive of raunchy rhythm and blues and one-night stands with books, will have to end. Maybe not completely... but my priorities will shift from my own personal (and somewhat guilty) pleasures to the well-being of my family: my husband and my (the) kids.

But what does that actually mean for me?

I'm young and by no means (trapped) in a relationship that is forcing me to seriously consider these things, but it is something that I think about.

Where do I wanna call home?

It is no secret that I dropped Milwaukee like a dirty roach infested rag when I graduated in high school and I've been making sweet melodious love to the east coast ever since.

BUT...
my family is in milwaukee.

When I say family... I mean MY FAMILY is there: mom, dad(s), brothers, cousins, aunts, uncles, grandmomma, grandma grace and host of other people that watched (lovingly) me grow up. AND...I'm always the first one to trump the family card. "YOU ALWAYS HAVE YOUR FAMILY. WHAT U GON DO WITHOUT YOUR FAMILY? HOW U GON TREAT YOUR FAMILY LIKE THAT?" So I understand the necessity of surrounding yourself with your family. Living amongst them, depending on them, supporting them and being a PART of the family unity.

I hate Milwaukee.

Hate is a strong word, but I deem it absolutely necessary. I cannot see myself living there without being miserable. I'm not saying anywhere on the east coast is where I'm gonna be but I just can not go to Milwaukee.

but why Mo? WHYYYYY?

First, I'm going to say that my undergradate experience (HU! YOU KNOW!!!) created a monster with me. A monster that needs constant nourishment of fresh oceanic seafood, exposure to peoples and cultures all over the world, emancipated minds, and liberated souls. Second, I've created a familial unit out here. I've got brothers and sisters out here who I need my kids to learn from. I need them and I like to think they need (or at least want me around) as well. Lastly, I'm naturally nomadic. I love to move and experience new places and I'M NOT DONE YET...

but where does that put me?

I've got two families that are very very important for me. I need them both to survive. I need them both to care for me. I need to have consistent access to them no matter the circumstance. I will always live up to my responsibilities no matter what. If mom dukes makes the call and says I need to come home... I'll be there in the quickness.

i am growing up (despite my efforts to remain a youngin forever) and there has to be a real consideration of how i PHYSICALLY place myself in relation to my family (all aspects). It becomes extremely pertinent when I think about doing Ph.D. work. That is a serious time commitment a serious commitment to a space and nurturing myself within that space.

space.


My response to how I handle this situation, how I effectively juxtapose myself between my desires and my responsibilities...will be a test of my GANGSTA...you know what other folks refer to as CHARACTER.

To sum the situation up: "Character is the courage to meet the demands of reality."


just some thoughts... i know i haven't blogged lately. #blackhistorymonth scholarly writing fail.